The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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