remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
