Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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