I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
