I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
