when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
