You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
