perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
