I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they're like a gay fantastic four
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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