he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
