He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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