we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
