She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
