and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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