mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
