no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
