look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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