Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I want a musical about memes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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