FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
