i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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