She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
