...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
