I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
