Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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