she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
