I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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