He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
