It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
