Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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