Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
