Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish you could order shots online.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
