I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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