I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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