Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
