this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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