my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
