You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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