Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
