I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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