I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
