You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
