How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
