Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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