To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
