Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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