no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
