I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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