the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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