the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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