So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
