ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
